One day at a time ...

As my first in depth post, I felt it was appropriate to talk about something very current and relevant in my life today .... Anxiety .... I know many of you will know exactly what I'm talking about too .... I'm sorry.

The most common thing you'll hear is "stop worrying" or "there's no point getting stressed". If only it was that easy eh?

When starting this blog, I knew that this would be my first in-depth post. This is because I know so many of you suffer from anxiety, and it is something I battle with everyday.

For myself, as well as many other people I've come across, anxiety has become part of our identity. The constant fear of an anxiety attack is always lurking. The need to avoid certain situations or triggers. And the paranoia of the visibility of anxiety.

I personally have struggled with letting people in. I seem to have these mighty barriers up and for so long have felt embarrassed to show people how anxious I get. This has led me to start worrying even more in case I have a panic attack in a situation where people don't understand.

Anxiety comes and goes in waves. However right now I feel like this wave is trying to drown me... In the last few weeks I've been completely up and down. Those who are close to me would have seen this. I'll be absolutely fine. Then I'll think about something. Then I'll start panicking. And before you know it, I'm a shaking, tearful mess. I actually can't remember the last time I didn't feel like this and it's had a huge impact on my day to day life. I have removed myself from all places that I think may trigger it and avoid large crowds and unknown situations.

However, enough is enough. I'm sick of living like this. So I've gone right back to the beginning. In my first blog post I touched upon where my anxiety started and this also affected my self esteem. I doubted myself and the person I was. And now I'm going to stop doubting myself and realise the person I am.

There's no shame in anxiety. No shame in talking about it. And no shame in battling it. It's going to be a long journey before I can finally say "I'm better". And anxiety is something that may never go away. It's how you deal with it that's important. Within the next few months I intend to be able to confront every situation I've previously given a wide birth. And be able to deal with any past demons I've been avoiding.

For all of you that suffer from anxiety I really encourage you to make a doctors appointment, see a therapist and start kicking ass!! Together we can beat this!! And remember .... "It's okay" ....

Much love, Laura xxxx