She who is brave is free ....

Afternoon my darlings,

Just a quick post this week .... It's been a manic but amazing week .... MY BIRTHDAY WEEK! This was the first year in three years I've been in the country for my birthday so was determined to do something to celebrate and I certainly did ....

Anyone who has suffered with anxiety will know that certain situations are often avoided. For me, a busy, crowded scene is normally something that will trigger a panic attack as it's the feeling of being out of control and overwhelmed. So when I decided to go to London for my birthday I knew I was pushing myself massively! My mind was full with thoughts of a packed train, unknown areas and busy streets .... However going to London actually showed me how far I've come these last six months. There was no panic attacks, no fear. I actually had the best day ever and now know I can do it!

Going to London was something that six months ago I wouldn't have even considered but with regular chats with my therapist and medication can now say that it's definitely going to be a monthly trip!

We had a fun filled day with cocktail bars, karaoke and ended the night in a lovely pub called The Duke of Wellington for a game of bingo hosted by the lovely Sheila Simmonds (best known for her amazing audition on Britain's got Talent). Sheila's comedy, fab songs and pure charm made a great evening. For anyone in Soho on a Tuesday night I'd definitely recommend popping in for a game of bingo! From start to finish Sheila was welcoming and lovely .... You can follow her on Instagram @sheilasimmonds ..... Sheila thank you again, you're fabulous and will be seeing you again next month!

 I would like to thank all my friends and family for the best few days .... you're all amazing and I'm so lucky to have all your constant love and support.

Much love,
Laura xxxx

Life is tough darling, but so are you ....

I'm back!!

It's taken a lot of thought and consideration on whether to continue with this blog. However this is a platform where I can freely express myself and if even one person benefits from this then it's worth it.

As you will know I haven't posted for months. The start of this year didn't exactly go to plan. Back in January my anxiety hit me with full force. Although I thought I was doing fine I really wasn't. I realised that on a day to day basis I was hiding depression and just trying to battle my panic attacks in my own way.

For anyone that tackles mental health issues you'll know that it's not always visible and sometimes you might not even recognise it. Mine started with my anxiety. I started getting panic attacks in certain situations. Big shops, busy places and stressful circumstances would lead to me having an attack. This would consist of me shaking, having heart palpitations, feeling dizzy and struggling to breathe. Whilst having all these symptoms the paranoia of "is this noticeable" and "are people judging me" would kick in. This paranoia and these feelings then led to me starting to avoid situations that would make me feel like this. I stopped going out, started declining invites to places. And whilst most people thought I was being rude that felt better than telling people the truth. I was worried people wouldn't understand. This then led to me becoming very depressed as everything I wanted to do was being stopped by my brain.

I knew I needed help so with the support of family and friends went to the doctors and have been put on anti-depressants and have regular appointments with my therapist. There's such a stigma around anti-depressants and they're seen as such a negative thing. When in fact if they're going to help what's the shame? For anyone debating whether to make that doctors appointment, that is the first step and the bravest step. Admitting you need help takes a lot of courage I know. But I can promise you once you've made that step the amount of relief you receive is amazing.

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I ended up having three months off work whilst I was trying to get better. And if any of my colleagues are reading this I just want to take this opportunity to say a MASSIVE THANK YOU. Each and every one of you have been so supportive whilst I was off and on my return. You're all amazing and I love you all.

My family ..... A massive thank you to you all too as I know it hasn't been the easiest. Thank you for being so understanding and for taking care of me. Couldn't ask for a better family.

Going forward I will continue with this blog and will continue posting. For any of you that are sat at home feeling down or anxious. Make that phone call, book a GP appointment, talk to a friend or family member. Even message me .... My contact details are on the blogs contact page. YOU ARE NOT GOING THROUGH THIS ALONE AND YOU CAN BEAT THIS!!

Much love
Laura XXXX

Rule your mind or it will rule you ....

Hello! I'm back! Took some time out of posting as have had a busy and challenging few weeks. However I'm now back and promise to get back into posting more regularly. Thought I'd give you all an update on what's been going on lately in my crazy life ....

Firstly, I had the most amazing week in Turkey with my lovely boyfriend and best friend for my 22nd birthday. The time away was definitely needed and there's no better place to recharge my batteries than in my second home. On my birthday my gorgeous boyfriend also popped the question .... I AM ENGAGED AND COULDN'T BE HAPPIER!!

Back from Turkey and back to work and my anxiety decided to flare up. For all of you that suffer with this or any kind of mental health you’ll all understand how much this can take it's toll. It resulted in me taking some time off work in order to try and sort myself out a bit. The worst thing about mental health is that it’s not something that will get better over night or even next week. It’s an ongoing daily battle trying to find the strength to get through each day. There’s some days where I don’t want to leave the house, days that I don’t even want to get out of bed or see anyone due to the fear of having a panic attack or the sudden overwhelming feeling that something bad will happen if I do. 

The most important thing is to TALK about it. Although locking yourself away and staying under your duvet sometimes seems like the easiest thing to do, there is help out there! 

Talking about this isn’t the most natural thing for me to do as paranoia sets in and I often doubt people’s opinions of me. Or I worry how annoying it must be for people around me to know that some days I’m not okay. However seeing as its mental health awareness week it’s important for me reassure you all that although it feels like you’re the only one going through it, you’re not. 

Whilst having time to sort myself out and get over this ‘wobble’ as I like to call it, I’ve also discovered the help that’s available to people that are suffering. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger or someone that has no judgement of you whatsoever. That’s when I discovered the website ‘turn2me’. It’s an online based chat with 1-2-1 counselling and group chat support. You can book yourself onto sessions and talk with someone about your feelings or struggles. And it’s all free! This is something I would definitely recommend.

I’m on a long journey to getting myself back to normal but I know I’ll get there eventually. 

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank all the special people in my life that constantly support me on good and bad days. My parents, my younger sister (who often acts like the older one), my lovely boyfriend, my close friends and family and also my co-workers. I am so thankful I have such an amazing support network and would be lost without you all.

Lastly, I want anyone that is suffering to know that you’re not alone. Some times you need to hit rock bottom to get yourself back up. And it takes time, but you will get there. If any of you ever feel like you have no one to talk to then my inbox is ALWAYS open. And remember it’s okay to have bad days. They’re the days that make us stronger .... hope you all have a lovely week!

Much love,

Laura

xxxx

Happiness is following your heart ....

Hey all! Hope you've all been enjoying the lovely sunshine? A bit of sun makes everything better anyway don't you think? It's been a busy few weeks here since getting back from my trip to Turkey. But recently I've been realising that I also need to put aside more time for myself and focus on my well being and my life. 

I've heard too many people say that they don't know whether to follow their head or their heart in certain situations. Well recently I've been in situations where I've been torn by the two. And I'm going with following my heart. When I look ahead to my future there's so much that I want to achieve. I've got so many goals and dreams. But I've been delaying achieving them because 'life gets in the way'. 

When I look at any social media platforms you can't help but to be jealous of other people's success. But envy isn't the answer. Instead we should feel inspired and empowered that with determination and ambition we can achieve the same. And following your heart will lead you to your dreams.

Back on the subject of following your heart through tough decisions .... 

The heart is so fragile and most of us shy away from following it due to fear of it being broken. But the heart truly tells you what you want. The heart has reasons that can't be understood. Memories, experiences and people - all the things that feed our soul and make our heart beat don't go away. And if you don't follow them, you'll spend the rest of your life wishing you did.

It takes courage to follow your heart as with any decision there is a chance of it being the wrong decision. But like I've said to many people before, if I make a mistake, at least it's my mistake. 

I know many of you reading this will be going through something in your life now that's probably got you torn between your heart and your head. Of course I can only talk from experience and personally I will always follow my heart. But remember whatever you decide, even if it's a mistake, when you made that decision it was exactly what you wanted. And it's okay to make mistakes.

I hope you all have a lovely week. Enjoy the sun!!

Much love, Laura xxxx

Calm is a super power ....

Hi everyone! Apologies for not posting for a couple of weeks. It's been a pretty manic fortnight. I've recently come back from a beautiful holiday in Turkey which was much needed. As so many people shared and related to my post about anxiety I thought it was only fair to do a follow up.

Before my holiday, anyone who is close to me will know I was still struggling with my moods and anxiety. Taking some time away from my daily routine was imperative towards my mental well-being. Everyone will agree that a bit of sun makes everything better anyway! But for me, having some time with my own thoughts was essential and enabled me to reevaluate recent events and my lifestyle. And to be honest, I spent a week smiling and being the happiest I've been for a long time.

For myself and anyone that suffers with anxiety, the constant fear of having a panic attack follows me around continuously. For me, the worst part is the dizzy feeling where I feel like I'm going to pass out and embarrass myself. Of course, I have never collapsed and I know that this is just an irrational phobia that I have. But trying to overcome this is easier said than done. Whilst away there was a couple of times I felt dizzy and felt like I couldn't breathe. And I thought to myself I'm on holiday. Why am I panicking? Why do I feel a panic attack coming on? But that's the point. There doesn't always have to be a reason. Anxiety is sometimes triggered for no apparent reason. And I've realised that sometimes all you can do is try to get through the attack and have people who you love and trust around you.

From speaking to people that suffer with anxiety there's always the fear that people don't understand. And I get this. It's hard to explain a panic attack to someone, it's hard to explain why you're having an attack, and it's hard to give an answer as to why you're suffering from anxiety in general. I feel so lucky that I have people around me that love me and who try to understand me. I know it's a pain in the arse if I have a panic attack when I'm with someone. Because it normally involves me not wanting to do anything for the rest of the day due to having a fear that I'll have another attack. But I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone that is supporting me through this and to everyone close to me for their love and care.

Anyone that is suffering with anxiety, as mentioned in my previous post, getting help is essential. Even if it's just telling someone how you feel. It's handy to have someone to text or call when you're feeling anxious. You're not alone. And my inbox is always open. 

Overall, I have had a lovely week away with people who love me and care for me. And it gave me a good chance to refresh myself and think about what I want in my life. And a life battling with anxiety is definitely not what I want! I have come back to England and I am determined to fight this. Remember it's okay to not be 100% all the time and it's okay to talk openly with people. Now .... off to plan my next holiday ....

Much love, Laura xxxx

Be a voice, not an echo ...

Everyone has a voice, everyone has an opinion. And just because some people feel the need to voice their view so strongly, doesn't mean we have to go along with them.

With personal opinions being broadcast so publicly these days, it's easy to become brainwashed. Whether it's politics, health, lifestyle or relationships, everyone has something to say about it. And sometimes it's easier to sit back, listen and suck it up than to stand up and use your voice.

This week I've realised that I regularly go along with what other people say or do just for an easy life. And I've come to the realisation that I need to start using my voice a bit more.

At the end of the day, it doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to live your life your own way. And standing up for what you believe in is sometimes needed.

If everyone else can have their opinions why can't you? Don't live in someone else's shadow. And don't be silenced by someone else's opinion. If you believe in something, say or do it. Step out of the darkness, step out an fight for what you believe in. Say what you believe. Living behind someone else's shadow is no fun.

Also, make the decisions YOU want! No one has the power to tell you how to live your life! Walk through life making your own journey and path. Don't look back regretting not taking those risks. And even if it's not always the right decision, at least it was YOUR decision. Living your life the way you want to and making your own decisions is okay! Never forget that!

Much love, Laura xxxx

Just the way you are

This week I've looked for inspiration for a blog post and there's one thing that's really inspired me to talk about this week.

A few week's ago ITV showed a programme called 'The real full Monty', where male celebrities took to the stage and stripped down. This was then followed up by female celebrities doing the same thing. As I watched it, with tears in my eyes I couldn't help but think 'wow'. Some of these women had battled breast cancer, had mastectomies and had serious confidence issues with their bodies. But as a group they showed each other positivity and self love. And they all achieved the end goal.

It got me thinking that sometimes we focus on our insecurities that no one else even realises are there. Whether it's bad skin, dumpy legs, scars or imperfect boobs, everyone has at least one body hang up.

Again, I have to wonder about the impact social media has on this. These 'Instagram models' and 'Facebook famous' girls should be applauded at the fact they have the confidence to post these flawless pictures so publicly. When I see these photos I admire their self love. However we also have to remember just because someone in the public eye looks a certain way, doesn't mean we all have to look that way too.

Years ago, having a big bum was seen as an insult if it was said to you. However, nowadays, this is something that most girls want. But if you don't have the big bum, flat stomach and perfect boobs it doesn't make you any less beautiful ....

It saddens me that young girls feel they have to look like what they see on social media or in the magazines. There's too many cases of girls dieting or overworking themselves at the gym due to feeling the need to look a certain way. And then of course, there's the nasty comments about weight or looks etc that damage our self confidence and make us feel pretty rubbish about ourselves. What happened to giving someone a confidence boost?

Personally, I have insecurities that I need to realise no one else notices. I'm not perfect, no one is. But instead of looking at the negatives, I need to start looking at the positives. We all have days where I think we could all love ourselves that little bit more.

So I'm going to stop looking at others and comparing myself to the models of the world. And I'm going to start looking in the mirror and realising I'm beautiful just the way I am. I challenge you all to look in the mirror after reading this. Ignore the body hang ups, and pick out five positives. Nothing is more beautiful than being you! And being you is okay!

Much love, Laura xxxx